One for the girls
I suffer from Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. And I'm sure many of you girlies do too.
The knowledge that one has PMS is, however, of little consolation when one is curled in a sobbing ball of snot and misery in one of the staff toilets (which was where I found myself on Tuesday). Likewise, knowing that PMS is the cause of one's boobies feeling like they are going to burst (and burst messily, all over the person in front of you on the 271 bus) is of no help whatsoever. While one stumbles around, knocking things over and grazing one's shins, being able to blame one's malcoordination on PMS is but cold comfort. And saying, "Oh, it's PMS time again!" rarely eases the throbbing headache that takes up residence in one's temples.
Anyway, today I figured that I'd get me some sort of diuretic to get rid of that "swollen heifer" feeling. I moseyed on down to the local chemist and picked up something called 'Aqua Ban' which claimed to help reduce "pre-menstrual bloat, puffiness and tenderness".
"If it does that," I thought, "then I shall be one happy lady."
But 'Aqua Ban' does more than get rid of bloating, puffiness and tenderness in the boob region. So much more. Because the people from 'Aqua Ban' care about all those long-suffering women, with their swollen mammaries and their headaches and their inexplicable crying jags. The people from 'Aqua Ban' care so much that their patient information leaflet doesn't just include information on how and when to take the pills, hell no. The 'Aqua Ban' patient information leaflet is about dealing with PMS in all its myriad forms, and it ends with this heartfelt message of support to stumbling, headachey, grouchy, bloated women everywhere:
"Above all, take heart from the fact that, at long last, P.M.S. is being recognised as an illness that doesn't have to be the problem it once was... You do not have to 'pull yourself together' or accept it as 'part of being a woman' because help is at hand. Remember, you are not alone. Once you know when you are liable to have the problem, then you can organise how you are going to get round it. Knowledge of the fact goes a long way to conquering the problem and finding the answers for yourself.
Sisters of the world unite! We have nothing to lose but our puffy titties!"
Okay, I made up the last bit myself. But that's still the most inspiring patient information leaflet that I've read in a goodly while.
Now I'm off for a wee.
